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Swallow Water

from Coping by Cavalcades

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lyrics

I've been waking up screaming, sinuses buzzing eyes streaming. I only know I'm alive because I'm breathing. What can I do? I'm stretching out arms but I can't reach you.

Draw the curtain so I can't see, arm over eyes is just how I like to sleep. There's no chance of light getting to me and I can block out everything. Pretend it isn't real, just one of many ways that I try to deal. Everyone can't be here, just running out their time.

I refuse to believe that I'm so fucking weak.

Have you ever woken up from a dream believing for a second that it was real? In that moment, I was ready to feel nothing forever to feel real. I break promises to myself, I break bones, I break spirits.

I'm sorry for the way you always had to feel, so deep and losing grip but I'll keep it together just long enough that you don't notice that I could never address it: It kills me that I can't help my own flesh and blood relieve the tension.

I promise I'll try harder, that I'll do better. Together, we'll pray for better weather. At this point I'll try anything, I'm baying at clouds and rain's just pouring down. I'd let you stand on my shoulders and I'd happily drown just to give you one chance to love a ray of light, to not look in the mirror and die inside.

credits

from Coping, released August 16, 2012

license

all rights reserved

tags

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