1. |
Frayed
02:38
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I've never felt like this before, so lonely and aching. My eyes don't work. All my solace is a weeping joke, no soul, no hope.
No light anymore, no soul, no hope.
There's no fear here anymore, just regret, the only feeling that I can believe in. I'm being swallowed up, everything turned grey, the only person I can't admit it to is me. I wish that I could say that there's something that I want but all I see is granite and fucking rain.
Day by day, I wash away.
No soul, no hope. It can't be this hard but nothing seems to get easier. For everyone I know, for everyone I see. When you're barely here, breathing in through me. I'm letting go, no soul, no hope.
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2. |
Backboards
02:48
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As shivers dance up my spine, I know that in due time, I'll be gripping backboards on runaway trains. I don't know if I will ever accept myself. I've got a fear of growing up, my present tense is barely here.
And the future keeps me from sleep, they can see it from miles away.
It's like the light at the end of the tunnel that I'm screaming at to take me back home But the sound just echoes on and bounces off these concrete walls. As I stare blankly at my reflection, I realise where the problem lies: in that there's no place like home for these tired and bleary eyes. There's no place like home for these weathered, greying eyes and as I stare at my feet, I start to realise.
The mirror stares back at me, I'm not certain of what I see. I just hope that one day I will be.
And the future won't bury me, destiny can keep away.
I'm so sick of running away, of burying my head in the sand. I want to face it all head on but a summer's just passed by again.
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3. |
Sleep Debt
03:35
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I'm always hiding from the fucking sun, it's why I sleep so late, it's why my eyes stay shut: for you, I'm going down. But now that's got to change. That's why I'm laughing, your eyes could cut the sun in two. Forgotten, misguided, it all just got away.
For everything that you did to me, freezing cold, blurred vision on new year's eve. I am a broken man, I can't find my real voice to speak. The curtain has come up, it's like all the light in the world disappeared. For everything that you did to me, you dragged me along by one finger so easily. The way I held on when you let go but now my hands are to warped and cut up to hold.
I turn my head and the sun wakes me up.
(Even in dreams I am pathetic, and now my hands are too cut up to hold.)
I've tried staying up all night, staying awake all day, counting sheep and clearing my brain. Nothing seems to keep this at bay, another long night in front of me.
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4. |
Counting Breaths
02:51
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Scenario, scenario spinning in my skull. You're what gets me through the night, without you I'd be lying awake crossing over double negatives and staring at the question marks scratched deep with ink and restlessness. Hollow bones just filled with air, I float through days, I'm barely here. My nerves are shot, can't grip, can't walk. Teeth made of ash and eyes in shock. Forever chasing question marks.
Is it worth it? Another fight, another question, penniless and unrepentant.
I'll move on, find someone, find somewhere, avoid the sun. If I can't, I'll just lie here, invalid and fate unclear.
Breathe in, breathe out, poor soul, pure doubt, breathe in, breathe out. Call me old fashioned, but integrity's a bastion. For what it's worth, my eyes are set. I'm steady here; I'll keep my breath.
This sticks with me like a shadow but it's weighted so I can't move. I feel useless and understated. This is never how I saw myself, romanticising jaded.
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5. |
Swallow Water
04:54
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I've been waking up screaming, sinuses buzzing eyes streaming. I only know I'm alive because I'm breathing. What can I do? I'm stretching out arms but I can't reach you.
Draw the curtain so I can't see, arm over eyes is just how I like to sleep. There's no chance of light getting to me and I can block out everything. Pretend it isn't real, just one of many ways that I try to deal. Everyone can't be here, just running out their time.
I refuse to believe that I'm so fucking weak.
Have you ever woken up from a dream believing for a second that it was real? In that moment, I was ready to feel nothing forever to feel real. I break promises to myself, I break bones, I break spirits.
I'm sorry for the way you always had to feel, so deep and losing grip but I'll keep it together just long enough that you don't notice that I could never address it: It kills me that I can't help my own flesh and blood relieve the tension.
I promise I'll try harder, that I'll do better. Together, we'll pray for better weather. At this point I'll try anything, I'm baying at clouds and rain's just pouring down. I'd let you stand on my shoulders and I'd happily drown just to give you one chance to love a ray of light, to not look in the mirror and die inside.
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